Sleep, Dreams, Visions & Harmony...
Like all married couples, we (Mimi & I) get angry with one another form time to time. Today was/is one of those times. You can read all about it on her blog, but not on this one.
I am tired, I did not get enough sleep, the sleep I got was completely drug ridden, and I am still feeling a bit rummy eyed even now. Coffee is my friend and that really is not a good thing. I may have to pop a couple of pills this morning to get to sleep again. The two pill combo worked nicely actually. I have been trying to avoid that but getting home late today, which is early afternoon, entering into a tift in continuance with Mimi, screaming babies all about, and a screaming babbling bird, plus a son who lost his mind and decided to wake me just as I was on the very verge of blissful sleep tend to fuck up the whole luxury of sleep. Oh and let me tell you that this whole sleep thing… is a luxury.
It is quiet all about the office at the moment. I like it this way, especially on nights when I feel exhausted in the way I do. I like the quiet, it is comforting. No one is talking to you, or even around you. The silence is good. I miss the silence. On Saturday night I will lie in my bed, and just before I turn over to sleep I will listen to the gentle whirring of a fan in another room but outside of that I will hear silence. The quiet. I might hear my puppy’s breath as she breaths, and if Mimi drifts off before I, I will hear her soft sounds of breathing, but that is all. I like that too, when the room is dark and there is total silence.
During the day, I sleep in this half haze of light, I cannot get our room completely dark. I should set it up that way, but that costs money and Mimi would not like what would have to be done to make the room like that. But darkness, and how wonderful to have pitch black darkness when I sleep, is something I only experience a few days out of the week. I would hate to live in Alaska during the summer, only to experience that hazy of light twenty-four hours a day when it is not really night but not really day. I miss the night, and I long for it four days a week, and luxuriate in the stillness and quiet of that time.
The other days during the week, I hear a droning noise, all day long as I sleep. Well I know when I fall asleep I probably do not truly “hear” it, but it is there in the background; another noise. It is white sound. I use it to cancel out the other noise, but the drawback to white sound I am beginning to find, is that it does drone. It permeates my environment, it echoes through my head and its soft “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound can some times grow louder and louder even though the volume has never been touched. And as the outside noises of dogs, children, and assholes driving cars with 1,000,000,000 Watt subwoofer that are built to rattle houses to the ground drive past my windows, the roar of the white noise continues to grow. At night when I wake up I sometimes wake up with a headache and until this machine is turned off my head pounds.
That is what it is like to sleep in my house on any given day as I come off this bullshit shift. I have another co-worker with whom I discuss this issue with, and at first before he came on my shift, I thought I was acting the whiney ass bitch, but as my buddy came on the shift I began hearing the exact same laments from him. So I know I am not so much a whiney ass bitch. Now I know I could be trying to catch some zzzzzzz’s on the hard desert ground in 110+ degree heat, while worrying if I am going to have some ass-wipe insurgent try to pick me off. So in the scheme of things, this complaint of mine does not go very far, but in my immediate macrocosm this pisses me off and makes my life flat out suck. For now, I will simply try to enjoy the sleep I get and look towards the sleep I know I will get in the near future.
With my somewhat restful periods of sleep, I sometimes dream and other times do not. But in my state tonight, I have had a waking dream. My dream is a dream of hope and future happiness. My dream entails harmony within my family. My dream includes the exclusion of bad elements which have invaded my home. The elements I might add were brought into our lives voluntarily for the most part, but that does not mean I cannot despise what I have done in hindsight. But I have had a vision.
In that vision I see two planets, and a sun reflecting bright light off both of them. And their orbits about this sun, are lazy elliptical paths, that cross one another from time to time, but both planets maintain a separate path, neither interfering with the other. Then one day a giant chunk of clear glass like ice crashes into one of the planets breaking into millions of shards. The planet wobbles, but seems to stay in place. But, over time as each passing orbit is completes, the harmony between the two planets seems to change. The planets seem to cross paths more, and the planets seem to cross paths at closer intervals than previously known. One day, these two planets, one mightier in natural resources than the other, one mightier in planetary moral strength gently touch and collide. Both planets seem to still be in balance and the natural order of the two still seemed to be intact, but something is going wrong.
During all of this, the inhabitants of the planet have everyday problems, but those inhabitants seem to be happy. And regardless of the planet, there are always storms and showers, and natural occurrences. But for the most part things are happy. One day, however, the inhabitants of the planet of mighty strength discover they have now have a limited number of natural resources, and must do what it takes to save them and their planet. This is a tough spot they are in, as they have never had such an issue before. They have enjoyed the life on their planet with abandon. They do not enjoy the excesses of those on other planets, but they do enjoy themselves and now find that even these small excesses must be reduced in order to maintain the life of the planet. They must learn to grow and discover new resources to further their life on the planet. They realize this may take some time but it is necessary and the pay-off will be good for them and their planet alike. As at anytime when the fun must end, and things done differently and there is less, a lull of harmony can occur. And to the planet and its inhabitants, a lull in the general state of happiness did occur.
The planet of resources slowly and imperceptibly continues to wobble and stray ever so slightly off its natural orbit. No once can see this, not even the planet of great resources understands what is happening. Soon, the two planets collide for real. Both planets’ natural balances are thrown once again, but the mighty planet of strength seems to have been lightly phased, but phased none the less. The other planet has a huge gash and now the planet’s molten core is spewing for all to see. This is all the result of the huge comet like piece of ice striking the planet and throwing it off its natural sense of order. It does not take long before the planet starts spinning erratically, and off kilter, and the orbit becomes less defined. The gravity of the planet starts flinging the atmosphere away as the planet continues to spew its molten self up from the center polluting its atmosphere and blackening its surface. The planet becomes uninhabitable and all is flung away from the planet and the planet one day simply implodes upon itself.
As this all occurs, the other planet can only watch till the final event of implosion occurs, and this goodly planet must endure a pelting from the shards of its neighboring planet. Quickly, this planet thinks to itself, I hope that the debris will clear and the natural order of all will return. Because, since the neighboring planet has endured such misfortunes it chunks of debris have flown from the neighboring planet causing disturbances and aberrations of harmony on the goodly strong planet. But with the final days of the neighboring planet and the realization that its friendliness with the planet is over, there is a hope harmony will return. The inhabitants of the surviving planet are still picking up from their own close call with disaster; they are still growing and looking for new resources. But during this, they all know the implosion of the planet is complete and the shards will soon disappear, and soon they will have rediscovered the natural resources they need, and harmony will return to this planet and the sun will shine on them as it did in the beginning.
I am tired, I did not get enough sleep, the sleep I got was completely drug ridden, and I am still feeling a bit rummy eyed even now. Coffee is my friend and that really is not a good thing. I may have to pop a couple of pills this morning to get to sleep again. The two pill combo worked nicely actually. I have been trying to avoid that but getting home late today, which is early afternoon, entering into a tift in continuance with Mimi, screaming babies all about, and a screaming babbling bird, plus a son who lost his mind and decided to wake me just as I was on the very verge of blissful sleep tend to fuck up the whole luxury of sleep. Oh and let me tell you that this whole sleep thing… is a luxury.
It is quiet all about the office at the moment. I like it this way, especially on nights when I feel exhausted in the way I do. I like the quiet, it is comforting. No one is talking to you, or even around you. The silence is good. I miss the silence. On Saturday night I will lie in my bed, and just before I turn over to sleep I will listen to the gentle whirring of a fan in another room but outside of that I will hear silence. The quiet. I might hear my puppy’s breath as she breaths, and if Mimi drifts off before I, I will hear her soft sounds of breathing, but that is all. I like that too, when the room is dark and there is total silence.
During the day, I sleep in this half haze of light, I cannot get our room completely dark. I should set it up that way, but that costs money and Mimi would not like what would have to be done to make the room like that. But darkness, and how wonderful to have pitch black darkness when I sleep, is something I only experience a few days out of the week. I would hate to live in Alaska during the summer, only to experience that hazy of light twenty-four hours a day when it is not really night but not really day. I miss the night, and I long for it four days a week, and luxuriate in the stillness and quiet of that time.
The other days during the week, I hear a droning noise, all day long as I sleep. Well I know when I fall asleep I probably do not truly “hear” it, but it is there in the background; another noise. It is white sound. I use it to cancel out the other noise, but the drawback to white sound I am beginning to find, is that it does drone. It permeates my environment, it echoes through my head and its soft “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound can some times grow louder and louder even though the volume has never been touched. And as the outside noises of dogs, children, and assholes driving cars with 1,000,000,000 Watt subwoofer that are built to rattle houses to the ground drive past my windows, the roar of the white noise continues to grow. At night when I wake up I sometimes wake up with a headache and until this machine is turned off my head pounds.
That is what it is like to sleep in my house on any given day as I come off this bullshit shift. I have another co-worker with whom I discuss this issue with, and at first before he came on my shift, I thought I was acting the whiney ass bitch, but as my buddy came on the shift I began hearing the exact same laments from him. So I know I am not so much a whiney ass bitch. Now I know I could be trying to catch some zzzzzzz’s on the hard desert ground in 110+ degree heat, while worrying if I am going to have some ass-wipe insurgent try to pick me off. So in the scheme of things, this complaint of mine does not go very far, but in my immediate macrocosm this pisses me off and makes my life flat out suck. For now, I will simply try to enjoy the sleep I get and look towards the sleep I know I will get in the near future.
With my somewhat restful periods of sleep, I sometimes dream and other times do not. But in my state tonight, I have had a waking dream. My dream is a dream of hope and future happiness. My dream entails harmony within my family. My dream includes the exclusion of bad elements which have invaded my home. The elements I might add were brought into our lives voluntarily for the most part, but that does not mean I cannot despise what I have done in hindsight. But I have had a vision.
In that vision I see two planets, and a sun reflecting bright light off both of them. And their orbits about this sun, are lazy elliptical paths, that cross one another from time to time, but both planets maintain a separate path, neither interfering with the other. Then one day a giant chunk of clear glass like ice crashes into one of the planets breaking into millions of shards. The planet wobbles, but seems to stay in place. But, over time as each passing orbit is completes, the harmony between the two planets seems to change. The planets seem to cross paths more, and the planets seem to cross paths at closer intervals than previously known. One day, these two planets, one mightier in natural resources than the other, one mightier in planetary moral strength gently touch and collide. Both planets seem to still be in balance and the natural order of the two still seemed to be intact, but something is going wrong.
During all of this, the inhabitants of the planet have everyday problems, but those inhabitants seem to be happy. And regardless of the planet, there are always storms and showers, and natural occurrences. But for the most part things are happy. One day, however, the inhabitants of the planet of mighty strength discover they have now have a limited number of natural resources, and must do what it takes to save them and their planet. This is a tough spot they are in, as they have never had such an issue before. They have enjoyed the life on their planet with abandon. They do not enjoy the excesses of those on other planets, but they do enjoy themselves and now find that even these small excesses must be reduced in order to maintain the life of the planet. They must learn to grow and discover new resources to further their life on the planet. They realize this may take some time but it is necessary and the pay-off will be good for them and their planet alike. As at anytime when the fun must end, and things done differently and there is less, a lull of harmony can occur. And to the planet and its inhabitants, a lull in the general state of happiness did occur.
The planet of resources slowly and imperceptibly continues to wobble and stray ever so slightly off its natural orbit. No once can see this, not even the planet of great resources understands what is happening. Soon, the two planets collide for real. Both planets’ natural balances are thrown once again, but the mighty planet of strength seems to have been lightly phased, but phased none the less. The other planet has a huge gash and now the planet’s molten core is spewing for all to see. This is all the result of the huge comet like piece of ice striking the planet and throwing it off its natural sense of order. It does not take long before the planet starts spinning erratically, and off kilter, and the orbit becomes less defined. The gravity of the planet starts flinging the atmosphere away as the planet continues to spew its molten self up from the center polluting its atmosphere and blackening its surface. The planet becomes uninhabitable and all is flung away from the planet and the planet one day simply implodes upon itself.
As this all occurs, the other planet can only watch till the final event of implosion occurs, and this goodly planet must endure a pelting from the shards of its neighboring planet. Quickly, this planet thinks to itself, I hope that the debris will clear and the natural order of all will return. Because, since the neighboring planet has endured such misfortunes it chunks of debris have flown from the neighboring planet causing disturbances and aberrations of harmony on the goodly strong planet. But with the final days of the neighboring planet and the realization that its friendliness with the planet is over, there is a hope harmony will return. The inhabitants of the surviving planet are still picking up from their own close call with disaster; they are still growing and looking for new resources. But during this, they all know the implosion of the planet is complete and the shards will soon disappear, and soon they will have rediscovered the natural resources they need, and harmony will return to this planet and the sun will shine on them as it did in the beginning.
posted by Just Call Me Jay at 6:01 AM
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