And The Womping Continues... But I Have A New Friend, Ivan!
What a sad state of affairs. I am half tempted to start begging, to use pay pal, to lose my mind. Yet another WOMPING we took today. As I closed my entry yesterday, looking for an answer on what the hell has happened to my family’s life and what it is that we have done that seems to permanently attract this fucking black cloud that hovers about us. I had no idea the beating I was going to take.
I arrived home to my happy family yesterday morning (seriously there is no sarcasm there) ate a meal, saw my wife and daughter, whereupon Mimi reminds me to call the appliance service folks to check the dishwasher. I find a same day place, they tell me they could only give me a window between 5PM and 8PM. Now look, I am not an idiot, this time slot is an invitation for someone to interrupt my dinner. I ask them if they are sure they could not send someone out earlier, they tell me no, and I tell them I will call someone else. So I go to the next full page ad for appliance service for same day services. The SAME people answered! I really did not have time to go through a number of listings talking to people, so I decided to see what these guys could do. I begin once again negotiating times with the lady. She tells me, that she could do something between noon and three. Of course this would fall right inline with nap time for the kids. So that was out of the question. I tried suggesting between 3PM and 6PM, but there was no having that by the lady on the other side, she said my only option was between 5PM and 8PM.
I went to sleep soon thereafter and slept an almost blissful sleep (my daughter was a bit fussy yesterday thus screaming periodically ensued). Mimi had to go get my son from a friend’s house and my wife, being the kind woman she is, took our daughter with her, but in trade she woke me up to listen out for the repair man. I woke up brushed my teeth, washed my face, came downstairs and grabbed a Diet Mountain Dew (all the caffeine and non of the calories… gotta love it!). Folks if you do not know already, I must warn you… DO NOT drink MD immediately after brushing your teeth. If you wanted to make some sort of novelty candy that tastes like out and out shit, that would be the flavor; Mountain Dew Peppermint Toothpaste Delight! What a fucking nasty taste, I have had to drink water from the swamps of Florida that tastes better than that combination.
I was able enjoy a few moments of utter silence in the house and then about fifteen minutes of news before my wife returned, but yet no repair man. Mimi had pretty much gotten everything for dinner together before leaving so she put the main entre into the oven and we waited to eat. Still no repair man. Upon completion of the main entre, the table was set, drinks prepared, salads and plates set out. Still no repair man. We all sat down to eat, got settled in, and WTF happens. I mean come on, I just could not fucking believe it. A knock on the door, and lo and behold fucking Ivan (yeah, the guy was Russian, I would rather personalize this a bit, so I have named the repair man Ivan) is standing at my door wanting to fix my dishwasher at just the exact moment I sit down and take my first bite of dinner.
So I let my new buddy in the house, and into my kitchen, and of course I could not leave him alone (not for any reason of insecurity, like he would steal my silver collection, but rather I want to know what the fuck is going on with my dishwasher). So he does a couple of preliminary things, and then takes the cover off the bottom, and fiddles around some more. After a few moments, I decided to let him alone because he was checking things out. I sit down, have another bit of my meal, and he calls me back into the kitchen.
Side Note:
Ok, so in the last few months, I have had to fix two major appliances for my house; the dryer and the lawn mower (yeah, well the lawn mower is close to an appliance and for conversation sake and in context it might as well be one, so chill!) and in both cases I was like Neo, flapping around dodging those bullets. Now that is not to say I did not catch a glancing round, but I was not hurt. The drier only ended up setting me back $50 dollars or so, where I had expected to have buy a new one. The lawn mower hurt a little more. It just so happens I had two lawn mowers, one which worked at one time but stopped. I got it tuned one summer, but the next it stopped working. I kept it because it was a pain in the ass to dispose of, the second one I bought new. The second one lasted me four years but was basically a cheap piece of shit. That was a direct quote from my small engine guy. We had to trash it cause to fix it would cost almost as much as a new one. Well I could not afford a few hundred bucks for a new lawn mower. I did however take the second one and for $65 dollars got that one fixed and now I am cool.
Side Note continued:
So as this whole dishwasher episode unfolded, I am thinking, ok… what’s this going to set me back? Being melodramatic in my post yesterday, I suggested a few hundred dollars. In actuality, I was thinking another $60 bucks hopefully but maybe only as much as $150.
My Story continued:
Fade back into the kitchen… And there I stand with Ivan looking under the hood of the dishwasher making noises. He gets up and says, “You need new dishwasher.” OK, buddy, like I can pull one of those outta my ass… In your home country that is like a present you give your wife or something, like I can just up and get a new dishwasher. So I talk to him some more, and he tells me the timer is AFU (all fucked up), he says to me, “New timer, that $190 dollars, but there is water leaking, you look.” So I get down on the floor and sure as shit, water is leaking, but not a lot. So being the brilliant person I am, I think to myself… a new time, how much could that cost, like $35 or $40 bucks… I can get that fixed, the water is leaking on the concrete, so I can deal with that a little longer… Ok, I will get the stupid knob and all changed for the time being and that should be cool. I mean the motor and pump are pretty expensive so yeah, that will jack the price up. I can save some up to get a new machine in a few months.
I look at my new buddy and say, “look, how about we just fix the timer and skip the other stuff and I will get a new machine later on.” Ivan looks at me and says, “Oh no, new timer is $190 dollar. You new both timer and pump, and pump is $200 dollars.” My new buddy has now pissed me off. He has told exactly what I did not want to hear. I asked him is there anything to do temporarily, he tells me no. I tell him fine, thanks, I will get a new machine.
There was another small episode over what he was charging me for coming out, but that really could be an entirely new story which I really am not going to go into as I have drug this post out to almost too many words even for my enjoyment.
So back to my initial issue, this black cloud. Well I guess I kept my head up too long today cause the great WOMPER in the sky WOMPED me like a gopher, but hard today. Now I have to come up with a new dishwasher. So in great despair, my wife and I will be hand washing dishes for some time to come. Do not pity or feel sorry, we will get through this, but I am starting to get sucked into this whole theory of Mimi’s that we did something just so fucked up our Karma has gone black and nothing good will ever happen to us again. I cannot believe that is true, but I have to be honest; I would rather be in the perfect Matrix right now. The world of perfect. I mean what idiot would not want a perfect stress free world or life. Yeah I guess it could get a bit boring, but in my perfect world, I would be hanging out on an island with clear blue water, golf courses, my family, drinks and food, no cholesterol or calories.
Well I know that shit ain’t happening cause we keep getting WOMPED by the great padded hammer in the sky. It pops us hard enough to knock us down, but not hard enough to keep us down. That hammer just wants to see how long it will take for us to give up and stay down.
I say to you, oh great padded gopher smacking hammer in the sky, FUCK YOU. I am going to grab you one of these days and break your plastic pleather padded ass in half. And then I will sit back and smoke out and be stress free, at least for a little while.
I arrived home to my happy family yesterday morning (seriously there is no sarcasm there) ate a meal, saw my wife and daughter, whereupon Mimi reminds me to call the appliance service folks to check the dishwasher. I find a same day place, they tell me they could only give me a window between 5PM and 8PM. Now look, I am not an idiot, this time slot is an invitation for someone to interrupt my dinner. I ask them if they are sure they could not send someone out earlier, they tell me no, and I tell them I will call someone else. So I go to the next full page ad for appliance service for same day services. The SAME people answered! I really did not have time to go through a number of listings talking to people, so I decided to see what these guys could do. I begin once again negotiating times with the lady. She tells me, that she could do something between noon and three. Of course this would fall right inline with nap time for the kids. So that was out of the question. I tried suggesting between 3PM and 6PM, but there was no having that by the lady on the other side, she said my only option was between 5PM and 8PM.
I went to sleep soon thereafter and slept an almost blissful sleep (my daughter was a bit fussy yesterday thus screaming periodically ensued). Mimi had to go get my son from a friend’s house and my wife, being the kind woman she is, took our daughter with her, but in trade she woke me up to listen out for the repair man. I woke up brushed my teeth, washed my face, came downstairs and grabbed a Diet Mountain Dew (all the caffeine and non of the calories… gotta love it!). Folks if you do not know already, I must warn you… DO NOT drink MD immediately after brushing your teeth. If you wanted to make some sort of novelty candy that tastes like out and out shit, that would be the flavor; Mountain Dew Peppermint Toothpaste Delight! What a fucking nasty taste, I have had to drink water from the swamps of Florida that tastes better than that combination.
I was able enjoy a few moments of utter silence in the house and then about fifteen minutes of news before my wife returned, but yet no repair man. Mimi had pretty much gotten everything for dinner together before leaving so she put the main entre into the oven and we waited to eat. Still no repair man. Upon completion of the main entre, the table was set, drinks prepared, salads and plates set out. Still no repair man. We all sat down to eat, got settled in, and WTF happens. I mean come on, I just could not fucking believe it. A knock on the door, and lo and behold fucking Ivan (yeah, the guy was Russian, I would rather personalize this a bit, so I have named the repair man Ivan) is standing at my door wanting to fix my dishwasher at just the exact moment I sit down and take my first bite of dinner.
So I let my new buddy in the house, and into my kitchen, and of course I could not leave him alone (not for any reason of insecurity, like he would steal my silver collection, but rather I want to know what the fuck is going on with my dishwasher). So he does a couple of preliminary things, and then takes the cover off the bottom, and fiddles around some more. After a few moments, I decided to let him alone because he was checking things out. I sit down, have another bit of my meal, and he calls me back into the kitchen.
Side Note:
Ok, so in the last few months, I have had to fix two major appliances for my house; the dryer and the lawn mower (yeah, well the lawn mower is close to an appliance and for conversation sake and in context it might as well be one, so chill!) and in both cases I was like Neo, flapping around dodging those bullets. Now that is not to say I did not catch a glancing round, but I was not hurt. The drier only ended up setting me back $50 dollars or so, where I had expected to have buy a new one. The lawn mower hurt a little more. It just so happens I had two lawn mowers, one which worked at one time but stopped. I got it tuned one summer, but the next it stopped working. I kept it because it was a pain in the ass to dispose of, the second one I bought new. The second one lasted me four years but was basically a cheap piece of shit. That was a direct quote from my small engine guy. We had to trash it cause to fix it would cost almost as much as a new one. Well I could not afford a few hundred bucks for a new lawn mower. I did however take the second one and for $65 dollars got that one fixed and now I am cool.
Side Note continued:
So as this whole dishwasher episode unfolded, I am thinking, ok… what’s this going to set me back? Being melodramatic in my post yesterday, I suggested a few hundred dollars. In actuality, I was thinking another $60 bucks hopefully but maybe only as much as $150.
My Story continued:
Fade back into the kitchen… And there I stand with Ivan looking under the hood of the dishwasher making noises. He gets up and says, “You need new dishwasher.” OK, buddy, like I can pull one of those outta my ass… In your home country that is like a present you give your wife or something, like I can just up and get a new dishwasher. So I talk to him some more, and he tells me the timer is AFU (all fucked up), he says to me, “New timer, that $190 dollars, but there is water leaking, you look.” So I get down on the floor and sure as shit, water is leaking, but not a lot. So being the brilliant person I am, I think to myself… a new time, how much could that cost, like $35 or $40 bucks… I can get that fixed, the water is leaking on the concrete, so I can deal with that a little longer… Ok, I will get the stupid knob and all changed for the time being and that should be cool. I mean the motor and pump are pretty expensive so yeah, that will jack the price up. I can save some up to get a new machine in a few months.
I look at my new buddy and say, “look, how about we just fix the timer and skip the other stuff and I will get a new machine later on.” Ivan looks at me and says, “Oh no, new timer is $190 dollar. You new both timer and pump, and pump is $200 dollars.” My new buddy has now pissed me off. He has told exactly what I did not want to hear. I asked him is there anything to do temporarily, he tells me no. I tell him fine, thanks, I will get a new machine.
There was another small episode over what he was charging me for coming out, but that really could be an entirely new story which I really am not going to go into as I have drug this post out to almost too many words even for my enjoyment.
So back to my initial issue, this black cloud. Well I guess I kept my head up too long today cause the great WOMPER in the sky WOMPED me like a gopher, but hard today. Now I have to come up with a new dishwasher. So in great despair, my wife and I will be hand washing dishes for some time to come. Do not pity or feel sorry, we will get through this, but I am starting to get sucked into this whole theory of Mimi’s that we did something just so fucked up our Karma has gone black and nothing good will ever happen to us again. I cannot believe that is true, but I have to be honest; I would rather be in the perfect Matrix right now. The world of perfect. I mean what idiot would not want a perfect stress free world or life. Yeah I guess it could get a bit boring, but in my perfect world, I would be hanging out on an island with clear blue water, golf courses, my family, drinks and food, no cholesterol or calories.
Well I know that shit ain’t happening cause we keep getting WOMPED by the great padded hammer in the sky. It pops us hard enough to knock us down, but not hard enough to keep us down. That hammer just wants to see how long it will take for us to give up and stay down.
I say to you, oh great padded gopher smacking hammer in the sky, FUCK YOU. I am going to grab you one of these days and break your plastic pleather padded ass in half. And then I will sit back and smoke out and be stress free, at least for a little while.
posted by Just Call Me Jay at 6:20 AM
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