Of Quiet Time and Adulthood....
If only I could be in elementary school. I remember coming back from lunch and having “Quiet Time” where we could read or put our heads on our desks and not so much sleep, but at least close our eyes for a few moments. At the time I thought that was really stupid. Hell I could have been using that time on the play ground.
At this very moment, I long for those days. I swear if I knew then what I know now, I would cherish every minute of every day of childhood. I would have the best fucking time a kid could have. I would even be a really, really good kid as a matter of fact. No lighting matches in the guys boat down the street. We used the boat to hide in, catching it on fire was simply a by-product of our fucking up, I swear! I still would have shouted out loud “Vagina Avenue” as my game piece hit that wonderful piece of property and I still would have gotten kicked out my buddy’s house (his mom did not appreciate my off color humor) for the day, BUT I would not have been pissed about it! I would have busted up even more bikes and built bigger ramps, and played football harder.
Right now, I need to have a “Quiet Time” I need to be somewhere else. I love my son to death, and I try so very hard to tell him to enjoy his childhood. I think he does for the most part, as much as any child. I just wish he could enjoy it to all its potential. I think it is a cruel joke played upon us that we live in such angst as children just to grow up to deal with the bullshit adulthood throws at you.
Unless you are one of those chosen who has not sold their souls to the devil (I believe in someway most actor, celebrities, etc… have compromised their person, their faith or some part of their self respect to get where they are) and have done well for themselves without compromising their “self” then adulthood pretty much sucks. I mean, the moments that are great, when you marry that truly special woman or man, or each time you become a parent, or when your children hit those special marks in life, or when you and your family catch one of those breaks or windfalls, I think those make the rest of the out and out suckiness worth while. And I also think those are the moments that you remember through out your life that blanket out the rest of the suckiness. Its just that you have to slog through all of the sucky bullshit to tag those great moments. Fuck that, I want the Matrix to be perfect. I could live where everything is good all the time, where there was happiness and piece all the time, where we do not have to slog through the bullshit. I truly resent having to live like we all do!
Because really, unless you made some good moves in your early 20’s (and didn’t serve in the military and then go to college, putting oneself four or more years behind your peers), and you had some financial success (like not getting a divorce early on and selling all the stock in the world, or losing it outright, or not listening to your dad and not buying a house in one’s twenties), or any of the other bullshit that happens to “normal” middleclass America, then your life revolves around paying the bills, keeping them up to date, and eking out some sort of savings. Now you could be like those others who have a double income, and send their kids to daycare, see them for about 3 hours at night, unless you have to split up and take one to soccer and the other to baseball or football or some such sport, then all get home at 8PM, eat a take out pizza, and everyone goes to bed, hoping the kids finished homework at daycare, because if not, the kids are going to be up till 10 finishing homework and waking up exhausted the next day just to go through the mill once again. If that is how you live, I do not know which is worse, slugging out in the trenches to buy groceries each week, or collecting shit material things and never really spending time as a family.
Such a bleak view on life I have right now… You know why? I want some quiet time. I want to lay my head down for a while, I want to have no responsibility. I want to be Peter Gibbons (post hypnosis). I want to get off the world for a few moments, fuck… I want to be in Jamaica, lying on a chase lounge with my naked Mimi lying next to me (notice I am not naked – I think that would not be allowed anywhere, I simply enjoy watching her tan like that), drinking fruity drinks with umbrellas and not having to worry about a fucking thing. It pisses me off, I saw my daughter for 15 minutes today and have not seen my son since Tuesday evening, and won’t see him till tomorrow morning (school is now out, but if school were in, it would not be till tomorrow night I would see him), actually it is this morning since we have broken ground on a new day. I saw Mimi for as much and maybe less time than my daughter. WTF is this shit. This happens every week when I transition from a diurnal schedule to a vampiric nocturnal schedule.
Never the less I want a fucking break. Yes I know I sound like some whiny bitch. I just think being an adult sucks. I want to tell my son that, but then again, I do not want him to be scared of the world and have him camping out in my house at 34, playing Halo 15 working at the video store, and no hopes for a woman because he is too scared to become an adult. Of course I would have kicked his ass out many years before because I still wanna get the funk on with momma, and I know that it would be difficult doing that with your adult son living at home.
So to sum up this horribly depressing entry… I think it is just that I am tired at the moment and a bit cranky. I got used to sleeping with my wife and waking up in the morning, coming home to my family in the evening and spending time with them all. I know, a lot to fucking ask for in life! (Shut the fuck up you whiny ass bitch!)So now I am in a period of readjustment both physically and psychologically. Damn these night shifts. Well, as the coming weeks roll on, my hope is there may be change on the horizon. Not great change, but change none the less, that might improve things to some extent. So I guess I shall see soon enough.
Maybe later I will talk about my friends across the street. The Crazies. That is it! I have stumbled upon their Blog name! Fuckin A! So there is Mr and Mrs. Crazy, who have Motormouth, Badseed, and of course Man-baby. Well they also have Jeremy, but he is generally quiet (you know what they say about those quiet kids, and he is like a pressure cooker waiting to go off, I swear he is) and lives somewhere else most of the time. I seem to have become suddenly motivated, as if I have broken through to the other side!
At this very moment, I long for those days. I swear if I knew then what I know now, I would cherish every minute of every day of childhood. I would have the best fucking time a kid could have. I would even be a really, really good kid as a matter of fact. No lighting matches in the guys boat down the street. We used the boat to hide in, catching it on fire was simply a by-product of our fucking up, I swear! I still would have shouted out loud “Vagina Avenue” as my game piece hit that wonderful piece of property and I still would have gotten kicked out my buddy’s house (his mom did not appreciate my off color humor) for the day, BUT I would not have been pissed about it! I would have busted up even more bikes and built bigger ramps, and played football harder.
Right now, I need to have a “Quiet Time” I need to be somewhere else. I love my son to death, and I try so very hard to tell him to enjoy his childhood. I think he does for the most part, as much as any child. I just wish he could enjoy it to all its potential. I think it is a cruel joke played upon us that we live in such angst as children just to grow up to deal with the bullshit adulthood throws at you.
Unless you are one of those chosen who has not sold their souls to the devil (I believe in someway most actor, celebrities, etc… have compromised their person, their faith or some part of their self respect to get where they are) and have done well for themselves without compromising their “self” then adulthood pretty much sucks. I mean, the moments that are great, when you marry that truly special woman or man, or each time you become a parent, or when your children hit those special marks in life, or when you and your family catch one of those breaks or windfalls, I think those make the rest of the out and out suckiness worth while. And I also think those are the moments that you remember through out your life that blanket out the rest of the suckiness. Its just that you have to slog through all of the sucky bullshit to tag those great moments. Fuck that, I want the Matrix to be perfect. I could live where everything is good all the time, where there was happiness and piece all the time, where we do not have to slog through the bullshit. I truly resent having to live like we all do!
Because really, unless you made some good moves in your early 20’s (and didn’t serve in the military and then go to college, putting oneself four or more years behind your peers), and you had some financial success (like not getting a divorce early on and selling all the stock in the world, or losing it outright, or not listening to your dad and not buying a house in one’s twenties), or any of the other bullshit that happens to “normal” middleclass America, then your life revolves around paying the bills, keeping them up to date, and eking out some sort of savings. Now you could be like those others who have a double income, and send their kids to daycare, see them for about 3 hours at night, unless you have to split up and take one to soccer and the other to baseball or football or some such sport, then all get home at 8PM, eat a take out pizza, and everyone goes to bed, hoping the kids finished homework at daycare, because if not, the kids are going to be up till 10 finishing homework and waking up exhausted the next day just to go through the mill once again. If that is how you live, I do not know which is worse, slugging out in the trenches to buy groceries each week, or collecting shit material things and never really spending time as a family.
Such a bleak view on life I have right now… You know why? I want some quiet time. I want to lay my head down for a while, I want to have no responsibility. I want to be Peter Gibbons (post hypnosis). I want to get off the world for a few moments, fuck… I want to be in Jamaica, lying on a chase lounge with my naked Mimi lying next to me (notice I am not naked – I think that would not be allowed anywhere, I simply enjoy watching her tan like that), drinking fruity drinks with umbrellas and not having to worry about a fucking thing. It pisses me off, I saw my daughter for 15 minutes today and have not seen my son since Tuesday evening, and won’t see him till tomorrow morning (school is now out, but if school were in, it would not be till tomorrow night I would see him), actually it is this morning since we have broken ground on a new day. I saw Mimi for as much and maybe less time than my daughter. WTF is this shit. This happens every week when I transition from a diurnal schedule to a vampiric nocturnal schedule.
Never the less I want a fucking break. Yes I know I sound like some whiny bitch. I just think being an adult sucks. I want to tell my son that, but then again, I do not want him to be scared of the world and have him camping out in my house at 34, playing Halo 15 working at the video store, and no hopes for a woman because he is too scared to become an adult. Of course I would have kicked his ass out many years before because I still wanna get the funk on with momma, and I know that it would be difficult doing that with your adult son living at home.
So to sum up this horribly depressing entry… I think it is just that I am tired at the moment and a bit cranky. I got used to sleeping with my wife and waking up in the morning, coming home to my family in the evening and spending time with them all. I know, a lot to fucking ask for in life! (Shut the fuck up you whiny ass bitch!)So now I am in a period of readjustment both physically and psychologically. Damn these night shifts. Well, as the coming weeks roll on, my hope is there may be change on the horizon. Not great change, but change none the less, that might improve things to some extent. So I guess I shall see soon enough.
Maybe later I will talk about my friends across the street. The Crazies. That is it! I have stumbled upon their Blog name! Fuckin A! So there is Mr and Mrs. Crazy, who have Motormouth, Badseed, and of course Man-baby. Well they also have Jeremy, but he is generally quiet (you know what they say about those quiet kids, and he is like a pressure cooker waiting to go off, I swear he is) and lives somewhere else most of the time. I seem to have become suddenly motivated, as if I have broken through to the other side!
posted by Just Call Me Jay at 3:09 AM
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