What has Mimi done to me tonight?
I am really not sure what my wife is trying to do. I know my posts lately have been rather angry and to be honest, the plan was to come in and rip my organization a new one through my post tonight. Then I read Mimi’s post about my son. And I became somewhat misty eyed. You see, I feel my son is my first greatest creation.
He is my first born son. We have stuck with each other through some pretty rough times and I have been very strict with him, and he has had to deal with a number of less than desirable circumstances. On the other hand, he has never wanted for anything. He is truly spoiled form a materialistic standpoint and I truly know an emotional standpoint as well. But I always want better for him. I want him to have a bigger room, and I want him to live in a neighborhood with more kids. I want him not to play video games all day, which he does since there are few to no children in our neighborhood. But most of all, I know I will be losing him soon, and I really hate that.
Sometimes I know I yell at him too much, and I think back in the past about times I have yelled at him and should not have. I know he will remember some of those things till he is an adult. I hope he understands why those times occurred when he grows up, and does not remember them as “Dad just being an asshole.” I fear many times I have not been the greatest dad to him. I look at friends who take their sons on extravagant trips, and I wish I could find time to play golf with my son. I wish I could find the time and motivation to build that rocket with my son which has been sitting around for over a year now. I want to get this Wavemaster punching bag so I can do some enjoyable workouts and that my son can join me like we used to do when he was 4 & 5.
The many things I wish I could do with my son and want to do with my son… but I always feel beat or just unmotivated when finally I am on a normal schedule or at home. So my Mimi and I see him growing up, and I want to spend time with him, but cannot seem to get him out of my office playing games. I am in a quandary as to what to do because you know what…. I miss my son, even when I am at home. I would like to play video games with him, but my job forces me to look at a screens all day and I feel as hole have been burnt through my visual orbs. As a single parent I feel I was too busy having to parent and think about all the other bullshit to actually get to enjoy my son. My hopes are he will remember that he had a happy childhood.
So yes, my son is growing up and I maybe out of a bit of fatalism or simply the fact I do not want my child to grow up, I feel him moving along and it wrenches me to see him go along. No doubt that he makes me proud on a daily basis and he should be proud of himself. Academically, athletically, and in general he is great and he excels at most everything. He is smart and has finally developed a sense of humor. His achievements I believe will be boundless and I hope he grows up into a great person. Most of all I hope he grows up and becomes a better dad than I am. I do know he thinks I am a great dad, and I know I am hard upon myself, but I guess it comes down to the fact I want him to do better than me financially, professionally and all other ways a person can excel.
With all that said, I still have many years with my son, whom as I said before is my first greatest creation and achievement. My daughter is my second greatest achievement and creation. I am sure I will feel these same things about her before long. But until then I plan to enjoy my children as much as I possibly can for as long as they are “true” children. My son has already been talking about a car when he turns 15…. WTF is that all about… Yet another reason I do not want him growing up!
He is my first born son. We have stuck with each other through some pretty rough times and I have been very strict with him, and he has had to deal with a number of less than desirable circumstances. On the other hand, he has never wanted for anything. He is truly spoiled form a materialistic standpoint and I truly know an emotional standpoint as well. But I always want better for him. I want him to have a bigger room, and I want him to live in a neighborhood with more kids. I want him not to play video games all day, which he does since there are few to no children in our neighborhood. But most of all, I know I will be losing him soon, and I really hate that.
Sometimes I know I yell at him too much, and I think back in the past about times I have yelled at him and should not have. I know he will remember some of those things till he is an adult. I hope he understands why those times occurred when he grows up, and does not remember them as “Dad just being an asshole.” I fear many times I have not been the greatest dad to him. I look at friends who take their sons on extravagant trips, and I wish I could find time to play golf with my son. I wish I could find the time and motivation to build that rocket with my son which has been sitting around for over a year now. I want to get this Wavemaster punching bag so I can do some enjoyable workouts and that my son can join me like we used to do when he was 4 & 5.
The many things I wish I could do with my son and want to do with my son… but I always feel beat or just unmotivated when finally I am on a normal schedule or at home. So my Mimi and I see him growing up, and I want to spend time with him, but cannot seem to get him out of my office playing games. I am in a quandary as to what to do because you know what…. I miss my son, even when I am at home. I would like to play video games with him, but my job forces me to look at a screens all day and I feel as hole have been burnt through my visual orbs. As a single parent I feel I was too busy having to parent and think about all the other bullshit to actually get to enjoy my son. My hopes are he will remember that he had a happy childhood.
So yes, my son is growing up and I maybe out of a bit of fatalism or simply the fact I do not want my child to grow up, I feel him moving along and it wrenches me to see him go along. No doubt that he makes me proud on a daily basis and he should be proud of himself. Academically, athletically, and in general he is great and he excels at most everything. He is smart and has finally developed a sense of humor. His achievements I believe will be boundless and I hope he grows up into a great person. Most of all I hope he grows up and becomes a better dad than I am. I do know he thinks I am a great dad, and I know I am hard upon myself, but I guess it comes down to the fact I want him to do better than me financially, professionally and all other ways a person can excel.
With all that said, I still have many years with my son, whom as I said before is my first greatest creation and achievement. My daughter is my second greatest achievement and creation. I am sure I will feel these same things about her before long. But until then I plan to enjoy my children as much as I possibly can for as long as they are “true” children. My son has already been talking about a car when he turns 15…. WTF is that all about… Yet another reason I do not want him growing up!
1 Comments:
This is a great post. Made me think a lot about the relationship I have with my son. He'll be 5 in September and all too often I take advantage of the times we spend together....that needs to change.
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