Rasing Our Kids to be Wusses (Is that a real word?)...
Well, holy shit that is a real word ("wusses") per dictionary.com and word reference.com. So I am not going to go into the definition, we all know what the term WUSS, is all about.
So I had lunch with a buddy of mine today and we were talking about our boys who are very similar in a number of ways. So I asked him if his son has been or is having any issues with kids picking on him in school. My Buddy says, as a matter of fact, there is this kid who is a little smaller than his boy who has been taking cheap shots while playing during recess. And he was in a dilemma about the whole thing. This is a story I heard just the other night verbatim from my son.
Now I have to admit it’s not the first time, but many things seem to be coming to a head with my son, and it pisses me off because I feel almost as if we have emasculated our boys and turning them into wussy boys. The tough kids are the punk-ish sneaky sniveling boys who take cheap shots at the end of a play, or make that late hit, or throw the basketball when the other kid is not looking. Then when he is caught, the kid looks at the teacher, “oh it was an accident, I didn't mean to do it," and so the fucking teacher lets this little prick get away with it.
In my day, I would have kicked the kid's ass. In fact I used to get into trouble for fighting at least a couple of times a year until I was a junior in high school. And basically by then, people just didn't want to fuck with me in general. My buddy is the same way, he grew up fighting and kicking ass and getting his ass kicked. The difference between then and now, kids brig guns to fights. And let’s face it, therein lies the problem with kids now. No discipline. Like that little girl who got handcuffed.
I thought that was horrible. I mean I could not believe I saw three cops cuffing this five year old. I would be beyond livid if that were my daughter. BUT... then I heard the back-story... God the media fucking pisses me off sometimes. SO the back-story is the girl had been in trouble before, she was sent to the Vice Principal, who called the mother and asked her to pick the little girl up because she was unable to stay at school anymore that day. The mother says, oh, no problem I will be there in an hour to an hour and a half... WTF is that? I mean you have a kid that is acting up and you say you will be there in 90 minutes, and then have the audacity to tell the school under no circumstances should you physically retrain or discipline the child. Mean while the child is throwing fists, and jumping on tables, etc... SO the school calls the county school police, and they cannot immediately respond, so then, they cal the REAL police who come in and have to restrain her. This all because this mother cannot control nor cares about controlling her fucking child... This woman needs a hysterectomy on demand!
SO I have my kid, who doesn't know what the fuck to do, and he is pretty upset. On top of this he has a little girl in the neighborhood that is a spiteful little bitch and gives my son hell most every day. He won't go after her because he knows he is not supposed to hit girls. As of late I have had to make a few rule changes. So I advised my so, the next time a kid at school takes a cheap shot, he should get up and put the kid down on the ground himself. And the same goes for this little girl in our neighborhood. Will he do it? Probably not, because he is a good kid. Unfortunately, at least in some respects, I have a mean streak, and when provoked it goes into high gear. My son did not get that from me. He is much like his mother.
We shall see what happens if anything.
So I had lunch with a buddy of mine today and we were talking about our boys who are very similar in a number of ways. So I asked him if his son has been or is having any issues with kids picking on him in school. My Buddy says, as a matter of fact, there is this kid who is a little smaller than his boy who has been taking cheap shots while playing during recess. And he was in a dilemma about the whole thing. This is a story I heard just the other night verbatim from my son.
Now I have to admit it’s not the first time, but many things seem to be coming to a head with my son, and it pisses me off because I feel almost as if we have emasculated our boys and turning them into wussy boys. The tough kids are the punk-ish sneaky sniveling boys who take cheap shots at the end of a play, or make that late hit, or throw the basketball when the other kid is not looking. Then when he is caught, the kid looks at the teacher, “oh it was an accident, I didn't mean to do it," and so the fucking teacher lets this little prick get away with it.
In my day, I would have kicked the kid's ass. In fact I used to get into trouble for fighting at least a couple of times a year until I was a junior in high school. And basically by then, people just didn't want to fuck with me in general. My buddy is the same way, he grew up fighting and kicking ass and getting his ass kicked. The difference between then and now, kids brig guns to fights. And let’s face it, therein lies the problem with kids now. No discipline. Like that little girl who got handcuffed.
I thought that was horrible. I mean I could not believe I saw three cops cuffing this five year old. I would be beyond livid if that were my daughter. BUT... then I heard the back-story... God the media fucking pisses me off sometimes. SO the back-story is the girl had been in trouble before, she was sent to the Vice Principal, who called the mother and asked her to pick the little girl up because she was unable to stay at school anymore that day. The mother says, oh, no problem I will be there in an hour to an hour and a half... WTF is that? I mean you have a kid that is acting up and you say you will be there in 90 minutes, and then have the audacity to tell the school under no circumstances should you physically retrain or discipline the child. Mean while the child is throwing fists, and jumping on tables, etc... SO the school calls the county school police, and they cannot immediately respond, so then, they cal the REAL police who come in and have to restrain her. This all because this mother cannot control nor cares about controlling her fucking child... This woman needs a hysterectomy on demand!
SO I have my kid, who doesn't know what the fuck to do, and he is pretty upset. On top of this he has a little girl in the neighborhood that is a spiteful little bitch and gives my son hell most every day. He won't go after her because he knows he is not supposed to hit girls. As of late I have had to make a few rule changes. So I advised my so, the next time a kid at school takes a cheap shot, he should get up and put the kid down on the ground himself. And the same goes for this little girl in our neighborhood. Will he do it? Probably not, because he is a good kid. Unfortunately, at least in some respects, I have a mean streak, and when provoked it goes into high gear. My son did not get that from me. He is much like his mother.
We shall see what happens if anything.
posted by Just Call Me Jay at 8:51 AM
2 Comments:
Jay,
Dude, I've had this same conversation with other Dad's I know. My son has no idea how to meet force with force. He tells me about these mean kids after school but doesn't do anything to stand up for himself. It's hard to deal with because we're supposed to be telling our kids that fighting is wrong.
I don't believe that it always is. I used to get picked on in school all the time. There were twin brothers who cracked my ribs and gave me black eyes. The only thing that stopped them was when I introduced one of the brother's nose to the trunk of a car with as much force as I could muster.
When you're a kid you need to learn about standing up for yourself. When we teach our kids to report bullying they become targets for the cheap shots that you described. We teach them that other people who have more authority are supposed to solve problems for them but that's bullshit.
In my mid thirties who do I turn to to deal with people I don't like? Me. My skills at confrontation have become more verbal than violent but it was those fights with bullies in Elementary school and Jr. High that taught me to stand up for myself. Sometimes people need to learn a lesson on not fucking with you and there's only one person who should teach them that lesson.
You might consider teaching your son how to win a fight quickly. Then teach him how to take the punishment that the teachers will dish out without fussing. The "He needed to learn not to mess with me; the teacher couldn't do it so I taught him," defense. The confidence that will give him will be worth more than a lesson in being a wuss.
Great blog and thanks for the link.
I don't know how much you will mind this, but sir, I am currently twelve years old and being picked on is my life. I mostly use hollow threats and verbal insults to deal with it. The teacher never helps, they're useless, I get picked on every single day and every single class period, the teacher is always there and never does anything about it. I handle it myself.
Last year, this girl was about to throw a punch at me, all I did was the dodge the lame punch that was going to miss anyways and shove the girl into the soda machine that was behind her. After that I just simply walk away, that was in the middle of the hall, the teachers, the three teachers that were right there, did nothing about it.
Even after that, I get picked on, I just insult the person back. A lot of times I just have to hold my tounge cause I know that the next thing I say will probably be a cuss word. The only time that the teacher ever intergects is when someone says a cuss word or when someone throws a punch. And even then, they only try to stop the kids when the punch actually lands.
My cousins and sister are all at least two grades a head of me, each of them are in one grade after the other. My sister is in tenth, my cousin eleventh, the next one twelfth, I am in eighth. I'm in middle school all alone, I have to fend for myself, they can do nothing for me. Go ahead, teach your kid how to fight, if he ever needs it, he will use it. He won't use it in every situation, most kids around our age know when to and not to, trust his judgement, and don't scolde him if gets in trouble for him. He knew he had to defend himself and he did it, be glad both kids that are picking on him aren't girls. Rumors and lies, the things we use, affect kids and scar them worse than any punch can. Wounds heal, but those words will always be with him.
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